


Mourn

by rilakumabear



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, implied suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 09:20:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7929304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rilakumabear/pseuds/rilakumabear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr Prompt: Send me a “Mourn” and I’ll write a drabble about one character mourning the death of the other</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mourn

Originally [[here](http://rilakumabear.tumblr.com/post/149743760669/mourn-eruri)]

 

_~_

_"Who d’you think will die first?” Levi asks one night, curling his freezing toes into Erwin’s warmth. The other man doesn’t flinch, at the question or at Levi’s lack of body heat. “You or me?”_

_“Me, probably,” Erwin decides after a while, voice low in the dark. His chest rumbles as he speaks, and Levi scoots closer._

_“Why?”_

_“After all the men I’ve sent to their deaths?” Erwin answers ruefully. “It’s only a matter of time.”_

_“That’s not how it works, idiot.” Levi scowls. “Besides, I’m no angel either.”_

_“But you’re humanities strongest,” Erwin threads his fingers through his hair, strokes the razor cut softness of his undercut. “You’re more likely to survive. Especially since I lost my arm.”_

_“I suppose,” Levi mutters. He pauses. “What will you do if I die first?”_

_Erwin’s hand stops stroking his scalp for a moment, then quietly resumes. “I suppose I’ll grieve for the rest of my life.”_

_“Good.” Levi murmurs. It’s selfish, they both know it, but sometimes selfishness was a blessing in their world._

_“And you?” Erwin asks after a pause. “What will you do if I die?”  
_

_Levi fidgets, suddenly regretful that he bought the topic up at all. “I don’t know.”_

He hates that this is the memory that comes up. It could have been the first time they’d met, or the first kiss, but instead, Levi finally learns that even after Erwin has died, he still doesn’t know what to do.

“We need to leave,” Hange murmurs. She’s holding him, and Levi realises he can’t even support his own weight at all.

 _I can’t leave him_ , he tries to say, but his fingers stroke over Erwin’s cold cheek, words dying in his throat.

There’s commotion behind them, but Levi doesn’t care. With Erwin gone, humanity doesn’t stand a chance, and he wonders how long it will take for them to realise it. Even up until his death, they only thought of Erwin as a monster. He wonders if the serum will make Armin the same monster given time.

“Levi,” Hange whispers. “Let’s go.” She presses a kiss to Erwin’s forehead, sliding off the emerald bolo tie. For a moment, she regards it, then slips it on around her neck, face sombre. Gone is the wild-eyed scientist, instead Hange takes on her new responsibility as Commander. “It feels so heavy,” she murmurs.

“Captain!!” It’s Eren. “Armin’s alive!”

It’s like a knife to the gut, hot and twisting in its pain. Levi wants to feel the rising boil of anger, but instead there is only a dull ache of a new wound he knows will never heal.

Hange stands. “Shit, Levi. Titans are headed towards us- we need to go!”

“Captain!” Eren screams again. “Three 10-metre class titans!”

_What will you do if I die?_

The answer suddenly comes to him.

Levi removes his gas canisters, swapping them out for Erwin’s. He’s swift and mechanical, but gentle when his fingers brush over Erwin. The titans are looming closer, their faces grinning. He can’t see where the beast titan is yet, but he can’t be far off. He’s got enough gas to get him there, surely. He gives a final check to his blades, satisfied.

“Levi,” Hange is watching him. The eye that’s not covered in bandages is wet with tears. “I can’t lose you too.”

Levi pauses. Sometimes, when Hange went off on her crazy rants, it was easy to forget how capable she really was as a soldier. If Erwin trusted her enough to be the next Commander, then Levi would trust her too. It wasn’t for nothing that she would be the last of the veterans still standing.

“I’m sorry,” Levi tells her, trusting that she already knew everything he wanted to say. His voice comes out raspy and cold. “He gave me orders.”

“I know,” Hange says. She leans forward and hugs him, and Levi pulls her close. “Good luck.”

They pull apart, just as Eren makes it back onto the rooftop, Mikasa close behind. “Captain, what should we do?” 

Levi looks at them for a moment, finding that he feels nothing. “You’re on your own.”

Eren stares. “What? You’re abandoning us? You can’t do that!”

“Levi has his own mission,” Hange tells them. “Let’s go.”

Levi doesn’t hear their protests as Hange ushers them away. He gives her a nod before she, too, fires her 3D gear away. Of all the deaths he’s experienced in life, he’s glad he managed to say goodbye to at least one friend.

He doesn’t bother watching them slay the titans. Levi kneels, stroking the hair out of Erwin’s face.

“Hey, you bastard,” Levi whispers. “That heaven you spoke about better be real.”

What was there to say, really, when he could barely bring himself to say it? 

“I’ll fulfill the last orders you gave me,” Levi tells him. “But after that, I’m not making any promises.” He pauses. “I’ll be out of gas by then, anyway.”

The thought is more comforting than anything else.

“You tried your best,” Levi continues. “And even though they didn’t appreciate it, I always did.” 

He looks at Erwin. His face is pale, the rooftop smeared with his blood. 

“I love you,” Levi whispers. He can see Erwin’s soft smile, the way his eyes crinkled at the edges, face full of gentle adoration.

_Thank you, Levi._

fin~

**Author's Note:**

> .....can we all just collectively pretend ch 84 didn't happen or something. OTL  
>  (group hug, anyone?)  
> thanks for reading:)


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